Crystalline Silence

Finally, I have arrived at the entrance. Many have come: for gods, for glory, for riches, for science… I come for no such honors, but for crimes. The Eastern Galactic High Court gave me the option: death by the Cephalak, or retrieve the mythic Vacivus Crystal. No species would pick a death to the Cephalak. No doubt they believe me dead, as no one has returned with the Vacivus. It may be I perish here, but it must be a better fate than the Cephalak.

I am equipped with the best that modern science can offer; though, I suppose all who ventured here thought so as well. No gods, sciences, or magics have availed thus far. It is a small comfort that I am so well equipped. Though they wish me dead, they must believe there is a narrow chance I will return. I am told the only reason I was given such an option was that my species has a resilient mental fortitude. The scholars seem to believe the fate of those who have entered here is psychological in nature. I could believe it. The sages of old say the Vacivus projects images of the thoughts of any sentient being, and that it feeds on the consciousness of any creature that has had the misfortune of coming into contact with it.

My vision is aided by bio-luminescent mosses and fungi along the carved, stone pathway into the depths. The scholars could not tell me with any certainty who forged this path to the deep. The religious types believe the Vacivus itself to be sentient, and that it created the pathway: luring in prey to consume. Maybe in the past, but nothing, nothing can live for countless ages. I personally think there is some toxic gas the deeper you get, which is why I am wearing the respirator. Perhaps there is also an electromagnetic field that strengthens toward the center, as none of the droids sent have returned.

After several hours, I’ve arrived at the last known, mapped region of the cavern. The hall I’ve entered has walls of warped crystal, not natural, but as if the walls were paneled with the opalescent sheets. All the glowing flora on the ground is perfectly still, with glowing particles hanging around their crowns like a star’s corona. I’ll switch on my video feed, which will stream to the Eastern Galactic Symposium for as long as the signal transmits. They’ll have no audio, due to the cavern’s interference, but they claim the footage I yield will break new grounds in the scientific community, and other hoity-toity academic platitudes. If this thing does what people claims it does, I give it a decade before someone tries to weaponize it.

Am I hearing…whispers? No, not someone whispering…distant voices? Faint images of various lifeforms are manifesting in the crystalline walls. The visages are the source of the voices. This is quite the discovery! What a shame the Symposium can’t hear this. Well, they can see the visages speaking, so I will fill them in when I return. I do not recognize most of the tongues. Some of the languages I can name, such as Klantar and Valchek, which although I have the ear for, I have not the comprehension for them. I am not surprised I have yet to hear Amaranthi. I am so far from that blesséd place that it is reasonable no species of my tongue has been recorded in this haunted glass. Perhaps my translator can catch it.

No reading. Why no reading? Are there too many voices? Wait, the audiometer records no sound in here. Curious. I can certainly hear the voices, but the audiometer is not…ah! The scholars believed it may be a psychological phenomenon. The voices must be imagined. I wonder then… let me rewind my video monitor a bit. Oh, it only shows the iridescence and shimmer of the walls. The images are psychological too then. Drat, my recording is a waste of time. Well, they’ll have to come see it themselves when I return with the Vacivus.

I am unsure at what point it first occurred, but the anemone-like flora are swaying toward the direction deeper down, yet there is no wind here. I hear a voice from further down calling faintly, “Come”. I am puzzled. That wasn’t Amaranthi, yet, I understood the voice, and it clearly beckoned me further. Could there be something here other than the mental phantoms entombed in this ethereal glass?

The audiometer still reads nothing, but the voices are becoming louder, and where is that hum coming from? It doesn’t sound mechanical, not organic either—tonal? Like, something resonating? Yes, like the reverberation after striking a well formed bell or bowl. The droning ring is alluring. The voices seem more desperate—frantic, maybe? But the hum in soothing, numbing, comforting. The eyes of the life forms are full of anguish and fear, but the ringing becomes more gratifying, more—addicting further down. An intensity of euphoria clashes against the lament and warning of the voices. The sound is caressing every fiber of my being in an ecstatic wave of pleasure. The reverberation seems to resonate with the very air—no, space itself as I approach the heart of the cavern. I yearn to find the source of the resonance—join the resonance that seems to be responsible for the very motion of my atoms. The forms in the crystal curtains around me plead in their tongues and beat against their isometric sepulchers. I do not care, the hum—I must meld with the hum.

As I enter a large chamber, all becomes silent. The massive chasm is filled with the same crystals which formed the walls leading here, and each is ineffably beautiful. They are…pure. I am ashamed to be in the same space. My wandering eyes fix to the back-center of the room. There is, what I can only assume to be, the skull of some long deceased creature, which has crystallized. It is elongated, shaped almost like an octopus’ body, but the skull resembles no creature I recognize. I am eclipsed with child-like wonder and approach. Suddenly, my vision is flooded with the expanse of the universe. Several thousand galaxies, nebulae, and all manner of celestial wonders fill my psyche. I am swept into the breadth of the cosmos—raptured into a serene state of sage-like knowledge.

What is that dark spot approaching? A black hole in the expanse? Not a black hole, there is no gravity to the object, but it is coming closer. As the mass approaches, the darkness opens, and light begins to stream into it. I scream, but there is no sound, as it draws nearer. I’m trying to flee but cannot move. My arms and legs are beating, but I’m not making progress. I shiver as the gaping maw of the void, absorbs the heavens and beckons me, like a malevolent siren, to succumb. No, no! This is why I was chosen, I must resist, this must be the mental effect of the crystals. Center yourself! Calm, calm. The vision passes.

As my vision clears, the true horror manifests. Every crystal of the chamber bears the forms of past victims. Countless lives across aeons and aeons innumerable, wailing tumultuously without real voice—trapped between existence and non-existence in an austere limbo. My gaze locks with the skull, and I am undone. The skull jettisons upward violently, and I fall to the floor. From its tyrannical height, it pulses with an unnerving, unnatural light. Dozens upon dozens of tendrils of light whip capriciously about the space with every vibrant hue conceivable. The unfathomable depths of its desolate eyes are burrowing deeper—deeper than even my soul. I am drowned in visions of the entirety of my existence. Every second: birth, adolescences, my crimes, my love, my journey, this moment, and the last seconds yet to come are cascading over me. The agonizing torment rushes from my lips without sound or word, as every atom of my being is recklessly shredded, and I dissipate into light.

All that remains is crystalline silence.

Tribute to Mutti–a Eulogy for my Mother

The audacity of the world! Billboards litter the highway, traffic continues its normal course, Christmas music persists in radiating from the radio. There is no cessation, no pause, no moment of respite for the tragedy that has so freshly occurred. The irreverence of life to persist without reflection on your passing into eternity is inexcusable. You were so vibrant, so full of life and laughter–now silence.

You were only 62. You didn’t smoke, you didn’t drink, you lived healthier than most Americans, you were the best of us, yet cut short. Meanwhile, those guilty of genocide live to be 100. Dictators into their 90s. People undeserving of continued breath still roam this earth. My soul resonates with the frustrated lament of the Psalmist: “Meanwhile, I’ve kept my heart pure for no good reason; I’ve washed my hands to stay innocent for nothing. I’m weighed down all day long. I’m punished every morning.”

And it would be easy to sit there, but the Psalm continues: “If I said, “I will talk about all this,” I would have been unfaithful to your children. But when I tried to understand these things, it just seemed like hard work until I entered God’s sanctuary and understood what would happen to the wicked.”

You see Mutti, unlike the evil of the world, your legacy is one of lasting, positive change. You did not sit by as darkness and evil consumed your immediate world. Like a city on a hill, you shown the love of God to all around you. Like your name’s sake, you rose on the horizon of those around you, dispelling the gloomy night of the world. You had a genuine love for others, a concern for their needs, and passion to do all you could. You were a saint.

Not the miracle working kind, not the fire from heaven sort, but the kind of saint the world is in desperate need of. For you see, “Some believe it is only great power that can hold evil in check, but that is not what I have found. It is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay. Small acts of kindness and love.” Never did someone in my life demonstrate that truth more than you. The love of God shown so pure and genuine from you. A love that was compassionate, sacrificial, accepting, encouraging.

Your candle has been extinguished, but rest assured that you have lit so many other candles. Your labour was not in vain. Those you so diligently loved and cared for will carry the torch further to those around us. We will emulate your Christ-like love and compassion and passion.

I love you Mutti. I’ll see you again. And until then, I’ll march forward with the fire you helped flame in me, and so many others.

The Realm of Slumber

How odd is the realm of slumber–both sublime and remiss.

On the one hand, it is an escape. The world is full of woes and wants,

and neither e’er resolved.

But slumber is a pause from all the cares and sorrows thereby.

It is rejuvenating, invigorating, and in dreams, inspiring.

Transporting us to worlds of contemplation, imagination, and at times the divine.

On the other hand, it is a great waste.

All that could be accomplished,

All the good conversation ended,

All the fancies to be consumed must be paused for the bodily demand.

Some look forward to loved ones on the other side,

Others long to hear the “well done”.

I look to these as well, but am delighted that no longer shall my enjoyments, conversations, and merriment be ended by the tyranny of slumber.

Of all the realms we must endure while in this mortal shell,

none is as blessed and cursed as slumber’s realm.

Shattered Creek

A frozen creek: static in the barren woods.

In warmer, former days she babbled, churned, and even roared.

Now, she is deathly silent,

and the woods respond in like sullen slumber.

‘Tis not her fault she has succumbed,

for frigid air has assailed her for too long.

Her natural state is fluid and free, whimsy,

at times listless, but often impassioned and boisterous.

But, a northern, vicious wind has besieged and conquered her.

A nation too, like the creek, should be free, boisterous, and moving,

but frightful gales of division, maelstroms of uniformed–misinformed–hatred,

and blizzards of malicious ignorance have snatched the life from the nation.

The weather is untamable, but we are the vicious flurries,

we have halted our hallowed creek.

The longer the water is assailed, the more likely the ice is to crack–

but a nation is not a creek.

A cracked creek, when thawed, returns to her liquid course,

but a fractured nations is scarred, at least, and irreparable at worse.

For when our nation-creek is shattered, pieces are hurled to the nether,

never to return to the waterbed.

We are either the ruin or renewal.

It is within our purview to either fuel the cyclone of hate,

or thaw with radiant love.

Silence does not radiate love, but allows the tyrannical temperatures to plummet.

Inaction and silence are an apathy which is active.

One degree alone makes not the difference,

but as hate is infectious, love too is contagious.

Hate is a cancer that consumes and freezes;

love is a light which warms and dispels darkeness.

Thaw the creek on which we all depend,

or the barren trees’ silence will be an eternal testament

to the nation that froze and shattered

by her apathy, ignorance, and hate.

In the Chaos and the Quiet

Have I gotten too old…or the world too cold? I try to be bold, and be sold on the Gospel’s gold mold.

But faith, hope, and love, from above in the hereof, and unlove thereof, gets rejected and neglected.

Infected with hate, and unabated malice–impossibly calloused in our palaces of spiteful paralysis.

I’m confessing the obsessive depression is too often the victor in repressing progression and propagating regression.

We’re pariahs decrying messiahs of hypocritical theocracies.

We chose to bask in our mask; because if you ask, no one’s up to the task

of weeping with the broken–in selfless acts and words unspoken.

Such behavior we’d favor, but we waiver–craving a savior.

The truth of the situation: I can’t be your salvation.

The foundation reformation, in this Nihilist generation,

comes from a new creation restoration of divine origination.

It starts from inside and coincides with God’s grace supplied:

It casts pride aside, divides die, peace is applied, with like kind designs implied

to be disbursed, unrehearsed, to the worst and besmirched.

I’m a disgrace granted grace, not to efface or misplace, but embrace

this fallen world with its abuses, misuses, excuses.

This world seduces a heart to depart and restart to some base part subpar,

but I’ll rely on the Spirit.

And I’ll endeavor to be better, and whatever

plagues you, or plagues me, I’ll love you, and love me.

In defiance of the harshness, noncompliance to the darkness,

I’ll be with you. Be with me? In the chaos, and the quiet.

Not Shadows

We are throbbing shadows in the faltering twilight–a human life.

Convinced, convicted, that we are shadows: symbiotic with cold, aimless existence.

Our very essence dependent on arbitrary light from elsewhere to flicker our momentary passing.

Without light from without, what are we?

No one pities the shadow when it passes.

No.

No!

We are not the shadows cast by the twilight,

we are the twilight in all its ineffable majesty.

We cast light round about to guide others to safety from the preying nightfall.

We radiate intense colour.

We emit the solace of starfall–an oasis of serenity in the dark.

Temporary, yet an indelible memory of rest to fellow sojourners in the dusk.

And not merely the tranquil twilight; the passion of dawn.

Temporal, passing, but irrefutable.

Vanquishing the night, defying it, casting a light which it will not last to see.

Churning out hope and light that others may traverse;

travel in knowledge, in safety, in confidence.

We are fleeting, but not as the shadow.

We are worth more, intrinsic, divinely woven–

brevity besieging the bereavement,

and yearning to blend with the summer breeze of humanity around us.

Let us be the passing light to one another.

Be the life-long moment of inspiration,

companions through this world,

until the next one dawns eternal.

Darkness Cannot Overcome

What is this darkness? It is inexplicable, unreasonable, indominable. It is insatiable. Never enough. Always with cries of ‘nevermore’ echoed anew in the metamorphic wake of each catastrophic episode. So few, so few eschew with otherworldly fervor the ways of abyssal terror–the depravity of the soul of man. Hellbent on our own destruction, and the destruction that births hell for the living left “surviving” the out lash of the greed and fear of mankind.

Incorrigible greed–a country spanning 11 time zones, yet seeks to consume more and more without respite. The inexcusable irresponsibility of the “free world” to own up to the sins that built their might. They seek ways even now to continue dark deeds. The Melting Pot which finds dross everywhere to purge; willfully, gleefully refusing to acknowledge it compromises the very alloy that is its strength.

People everywhere unwilling to yield power, concede equality, for fear a successive group may rain down the darkness and depravity that has come before.

Where are the heroes of light? The humans that stood boldly against the darkness with what little light they had, in the imperfections they had, to refuse to let humanity be reduced to a zeitgeist of fear, and hate, and despair. Where are the philosophers, poets, prophets. These used to be the lighthouse besieging the waves of depravity to guide souls to a repose of peace. Instead, schemers, propogandists, and zealots stir up the storm of human darkness.

Can such darkness be withstood? Is the good of humanity lost? Why fight in the face of unceasing devastation?

No. No.

If there is to be struggle, let it be for peace. If there is to be tumult, let it be for reason. If there is to be zeal, let it be to see justice and equality. If there is to be passion, let it be for good. If there is to be an unyielding spirit, let it be for patience. If there is to be an indomitable force, let it be for the understanding of another’s mind.

I must be a hero of light. The darkness will not be impenetrable. It may claim me, as so many before, but I will go down like a phoenix, and out of the ashes of the blaze new heroes will rise, and the darkness will not overcome it. I believe in a God that seeks the good of all creation. Humanity above all is precious. I will be loving. I will be joyful. I will be peaceful. I will be patient. I will be kind. I will be good. I will be faithful. I will be gentle. I will be self-controlled. Against such there is no law. Against such the darkness has no power. I will fight that uphill fight, likely never seeing the benefit in my time, that I might leave a better world, and example of a better way for those behind.

It may be behind enemy lines; it may be the enemy behind friendly lines, but I cannot yield. I have been consumed by something other than the darkness of the world, and this beacon will defy the dark maelstrom–guiding as many ships to shore for as long as it stands.

“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”

The Mirror’s Eyes

I peered too long in the mirror. My mind wandered, and I locked gazes with my reflection. The eyes are the windows to the soul, but instead of another to explore anew, it was my untamed wilderness.

At first, the insight was superficial. Covid, complacency, and a desk job have clearly proven we are closer to 30 than 20. We have managed to get back to a more comfortable body, but not too comfortable. We notice blemishes, but with no other soul viewing anything past clothing in our life, we are unconcerned.

Transfixed upon ourselves, deeper revelations overwhelm my psyche. We see the confidence, the flamboyance, the playful nature, the natural inquisitiveness. I am tempted to turn away in satisfaction, but tarry longer as the eyes in the mirror breach our outer defenses.

Doubt, concerns, anxieties, past mistakes, common pitfalls all rush to steal the mirth from the eyes I look upon in the glass. My instinct is to comfort, to humor, to flatter, to appease; but the visage is indeed a perfect image that suffers the same weakness and vices—we cannot be charmed or assuaged by our musings. 

Our stares begin to pierce as we introspect in this visual extrospection. People fear mirrors for the demons they may see, but the true fear, the fierce struggle lies in meeting our own gaze and searching our souls as a close friend, or intimate partner. We cannot hide ourselves from our own gaze, nor can we speak ill of the mirror, which only mimes truth. We may solely alter the truth it reflects.

I control my narrative. I may need others to encourage, to strengthen, to guide, to discipline, but I change the glass’ façade. We, the image and I, are counting on me to change those eyes. Joy or sorrow, weeping or reveling, are mine. For the both of us, I will endeavor to transfigure the soul that is reflected in our eyes.